I once dated a terrible boyfriend. (OK there may have been more than one terrible boyfriend during my dating years but for the purpose of this post let’s focus on this one) Let’s call him Brian.
Brian was a ‘once bitten twice shy’ kind of a dude who vaguely promised you a wonderful future while your present time was distinctly underwhelming. On our worst ever date he once cancelled my birthday dinner at the last minute because he wasn’t feeling well. As I sympathised and rounded up the girls to go out I was somewhat surprised to walk into our first stop on the birthday bar crawl and find BRIAN standing there sipping beer with his bestie who needed a last minute LAD’S NIGHT OUT FOR REASONS. Reader I was BOILING MAD yet I carried on dating him because I was sure that tomorrow with just a tad more patience all our dreams would come true. So on we went for several more years.
Anyway you get the picture. BRIAN was a BAD BOYFRIEND and we were not meant to be together.
This week I went up to London to meet with my publishing team to plan our campaign for my third novel Circus of Mirrors. Over lunch we were chatting about publishing sometimes turning into a bad boyfriend and although my team are THE BEST HUMANS ON THE PLANET it’s fair to say that not everyone’s experience of publishing is the best.
Back in the days when I was querying, a literary agent invited me to meet with her for ‘coffee’ to discuss my much rejected first attempt at a novel. I don’t live in London and she knew that. I paid best part of £100 in train fare and travelled for three hours door to door to get the flat white of doom. She sat there and told me while she thought my book had so much potential that my character’s voice didn’t work. She was right but that meeting should have been an email. Never occurred to her that I would be utterly crushed by that piece of news and have a three hour journey back home. This date makes Brian look a sensitive caring human.
Years later when I finally had a debut that people were excited about, I went up to London to take a meeting with an agent who wanted to discuss my work. It was thrilling. It was however slightly less thrilling when two weeks later she demanded that I return to London as there were some things better discussed face to face (you know the drill £100 in train fare and a 6 hour round trip). I ordered a flat white. We had a brief chat and the second I said yes she air kissed me goodbye and said that she had another meeting. Not even the offer of a sandwich. Yep Brian you at least used to turn up occasionally with a bag of chips so you might win this round.
Then there’s the ghosting - one dude once asked for my full manuscript and never replied. He did this all the time and is no longer an agent thankfully. That’s a bad boyfriend.
Publishing can be the kind of date that promises to take you out for a fancy birthday dinner only to blow you off for a fresh looking debut with no cellulite and better table manners than you. Everyone is terribly excited about your book and its prospects right up until the moment they stop replying to your emails.
There are publishers who keep you waiting months for any news/your edits/a campaign but expect you to respond IMMEDIATELY dropping everything to respond. I hear from fellow authors who are driven nuts by the lack of information, the refusal to involve them or tell them what’s going on yet there’s always the promise of a bright new tomorrow. I deeply appreciate that my publishing team are the kind of boyfriends that you marry when I listen to other people’s horror stories yet it doesn’t need to be this way.
It doesn’t cost a penny to be THOUGHTFUL. Authors have lives - often other jobs and kids to raise. We have families and occasionally builders doing work on our homes while we try to write. We craft stories and make ourselves vulnerable. We deserve respect and INFORMATION. It’s polite to tell us what’s going on or to set our expectations. Tell us the truth when things go wrong (as they always do) and apologise for being late if you are in fact late.
Don’t be a bad boyfriend. Brian eventually got dumped and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage next year to a man who turned up and treated me right. Keep the drama on the page and not in your relationships, professional or otherwise.
Authors are human beings too. Occasionally you could even offer us a sandwich if we’ve travelled 200 miles to meet with you. I have moved on from all my bad boyfriends and surrounded myself with people who care passionately about me and support my work. It makes everything so much easier when you have honesty and rock-solid trust. And I know I’m lucky to have found these relationships but also I won’t settle for less. I speak up and say what’s on my mind. I try to do it with kindness or constructively but I am not a child and I won’t be silent if something needs raising. If people can’t handle that then you should let them go otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your career walking on eggshells and censoring yourself. It’s so miserable having to do that.
As I sat around a meeting room with my team this week I felt proud of myself for not settling for the Brian’s of this world and proud of my team for being the most talented and lovely colleagues. It felt easy and right. We laughed a lot. We made plans for our future and we talked through things with complete candour. What a joy. All authors deserve that relationship and care.
In other news I’ve been out and about proof dropping Circus of Mirrors this week as well as meeting with my MOST EXCELLENT PUBLISHING BOYFRIENDS in the big Penguin house. Not only did they buy me lunch and involve me in our campaign but look at this package. The matchboxes are exquisite and booksellers LOVED them.
So don’t be a BRIAN. Publishing books can be tough and heartbreaking, often disappointing but we don’t need to treat each other poorly.
YES WE ARE ALL BUSY but we don’t need to be bad dates.
Jx
I worked in HR for over twenty-five years and when recruiting people would remind myself and others it's a two way street. The individual wanted to work with us and we needed their skills. Even when the match wasn’t right, there was no reason to dismiss or ghost someone. Respect and good communication go a long way in my opinion. And I enjoyed being the linchpin that meant even when things didn’t work out, someone walked away feeling it was a positive experience.
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